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Miniature Interview
Anonymous Employee of 93.3 FM, KTCL, Denver, CO
(2000)
KTCL is a Clear Channel station, so it’s totally irrelevant that they broadcast from Denver. You’ll hear the exact same flaccid “adult alternative” rock on KCNL in San Jose, CA, or XTRA in San Diego, or even KTCZ in Minneapolis. It’s all the same and it all totally blows! Speaking of clear channel and blowing, here is a patchwork of a sexually-charged conversation I had with an employee of KTCL at their “Big Adventure” summer, whack-off event, in Denver. As a member of the press, I got in for free, and was privy to free beer and heart-stopping glimpses of 311! I had a huge bonner all day, and it so totally started with this girl’s oral dissertation (despite working for what amounts to the Third Reich of the airwaves, she does deserve miniature ups for apparently having read Naked Lunch).
Show him (some random dude) your tea-bag method and describe it as you go.
Okay, you take your thumb and your forefinger, and you make a circle, and you gently apply pressure-
Around the top?
Around the scrotum. Before you put it in your mouth. I’ve never actually done this.
Does it involve humming?
random dude: that’s a lie!
You could probably hum, but I would rather sing Edelweiss … from The Sound of Music.
Wow.
I have no problem giving someone blue balls, it’s my trademark … I have a vibrator, it’s name is Steely Dan.
www.clearchannel.com
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