Web Exclusive
This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb
“interview” by Eve Hampson

Click here to download an .mp3 (1.5 mb) of "Jack Johnson." Listen to it while you read the article and then maybe think about boxing.


Word on the street says that This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb are tons of fun. The folksy, spastic, dixie-rock kids from Pensacola will make any Northerner pine for the life of their songs: porch swings, fireflies, boiled peanuts, and bonfires on chiggered beaches are in the blood of TBIAPB. After seeing them play at an eviction party in San Pedro, I fell a little more in love with the band. The three were kinda cluster-fucked on a makeshift stage, with Terry and Rymodee's microphone stands taped together and the slightly long-legged Ted cramped behind them like a happy frog. It reminded me of the way us kids are supposed to discover our favorite bands. Onstage Rymodee and Terry have staring contests that are broken only to begin each new song. It was so sweet it made me forget I was in a punk house seeing a punk show.

These are a few things I know for sure about TBIAPB: Terry is the super-tall, smart one, and she makes the best margaritas ever. She also really likes new socks and has survived cancer. Rymodee never takes off his hat and has a dog named Knuckles. Even when exhausted and sick, he manages to play his guitar so hard he keeps on breaking strings. Ted loves mashed potatoes and gravy, hip-hop square dancing, and holds the whole debacle that is TBIAPB together with, no shit, a cowbell. This being my first time interviewing a band, I was totally unprepared. I wrote some questions before leaving my apartment that morning but had a hangover that could kill a horse, so of course I left them behind. They pretty much took care of it for me, though.

Terry: (to Ted) Of all the margaritas you've had today, who do you think makes a better margarita. Me or your good friend Scott Cowgill?

Ted: Terry from TBIAPB.

Terry: YES!

Ted: Best bass player, best margarita maker. (to Terry) I'm gonna ask a serious question that I always wanted to ask you: Do you think that your near-death experience makes you live life to the fullest every day, like it's your last day ever?

Terry: Uh, no... (laughs) …of course it does... Okay, I'm gonna ask [Rymodee a question] because I've been amazed during this tour at the likeness between my friend Rymodee and his little dog, Knuckles. Sans the wienerdog, what kind of dog would you be? I take it back, if you could be any animal...this is a two-part question… Any dog and any animal?

Rymodee: To answer the first part of your question, to be canine specific, I think Saint Bernard. They're really big and strike terror into mankind, and you get a jug of whiskey around your neck. If I could be any sort of animal, I think I'd be a monkey.

Terry: Which is not a stretch. I dunno if you've noticed. I slept in a hotel room with you like four days ago… (to Eve) …we were broke down in the middle of goddamned Wyoming having just played a show in a kid's backyard to four three-year-olds who were pummeling us with snowballs. And our transmission was on fire while all this was going on. Now, I'd like to ask my friend Greg a question...Who do you think makes a better margarita...?

Ted: In Tampa we played at a metal bar where people hated us because they all wanted to hear metal. Rymodee wrote “Amish as fuck” on his amp and, we pretended we were an Amish band who never played with microphones before. The highlight of the show was a Vietnam vet rolling up in his wheelchair saying, “Play something decent."

Terry: He asked, "You know any King Diamond?" and we said no, and he was like, "You suck" as he rolled his legless body away.

Eve: Have you received any flak for your TBIAPB sticker?

Terry: We haven't personally received any flak, but apparently, and I have not seen this in print, there's a statute in Manhattan now that you can't park a bike or scooter with TBIAPB sticker within fifteen feet of a federal building.

Ted: We're lawmakers.

Terry: Which is the sign that you've made it musically…

Ted: Our stickers are banned from Manhattan.

Terry: Right? That's pretty good. I mean, that's treason. Let's face it, it's not like they're ever gonna play our music on...

Ted: NPR...

Terry: Oh, wait.

[Uh, maybe it has been played on NPR? Not sure about this one. –ed]

Ted: We were recently told that, if you play long enough, people will listen to anything.

Terry: A guy in Bloomington told us, "Man, that sucked!" after our show. He goes, "Check this out, you guys are living proof if you tour long enough people will come listen to any shit."