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Fahrenheit 9/11
(2004)
Dir. Michael Moore
This is one of those point-counterpoint thingys.
POINT:
If you voted for George W. Bush the first time, you’re an idiot. If you vote to reelect him, you should be shot, or at the very least drafted, so that you can be shot. Fahrenheit 9/11, Michael Moore’s new documentary, presents an onslaught of some commonly known, and more obscure facts detailing the misaligned priorities of our current administration. The movie centers around how the Bush Regime used September 11th as an excuse to make Americans believe that Saddam Hussein had something to do with the Saudi Arabian terrorists who boasted responsibility for the tragedy, so we could bomb the shit out of Iraq for oil.
Moore takes his signature, ‘I’m fighting for everyman’ shtick to the Capitol staging various events to illustrate the plight of your average Joe up against the U.S. Government and effectively intersperses it with footage demonstrating the costs of war and all levels of American idiocy. i.e. he rides around Washington in an ice cream truck reading the Patriot Act to officials as they walk to and fro over a loud speaker, because as pointed out by one Senator, they don’t bother to burden their workload by actually reading the bills they sign. Mix in some shots of our soldiers bragging about blowing shit up while listening to “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor,” by Drowning Pool. Throw in some horrific images of napalmed and murdered civilians. Then top it off with our wonderful commander and chief reading a children’s book entitled “My Pet Goat” at an elementary school photo-op after he has been informed that America was under attack, and planes were hitting The World Trade Center. But then everything turns out okay because Brittany Spears encourages us to trust in our President, thanks Brit, the flick could have been a real downer.
Clearly Moore is taking a stand and presenting an angle. However the undeniable truths of corruption revealed in the film keep it steered well off the path of pure propaganda. Here’s the problem: the people that actually need to see this movie have already dismissed it as left-wing misinformation. Wake up people, we are the terrorists. For Christ’s sake, Clinton was forced to describe the details of a blowjob on primetime. But somehow Bush (among other questionable acts), can get away with impeding 9/11 investigations, and refusing to admit under oath what he may know about the events leading up to the death of over 3,000 people. Hey, he’s got golfing to do, okay?
I have to say I’m torn between joining some extremist group to protest the injustices committed in the name of Democracy, or just fucking going to bed. The state of the world is too goddamned depressing. I’ve been threatening to renounce my citizenship for years, but let me just say that if the rumors are true, and Tom Hanks is indeed running for office, Canada here I come. I want no part in a country where that cheese dick has the opportunity to become the President… Of course Forrest Gump has more sense in his flat top than that ass clown George W. Bush has in his entire body. Now if Michael Moore were to run … there’s a celebrity that might coerce me into sticking around a bit longer.
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COUNTERPOINT:
Steven, Elise … may I call you by your first names? It with the utmost concern for your mental well-being that I implore you, do not go and see this … this piece of liberal propaganda. It is pointed garbage, made to make our honorable president look bad. Maybe you’re not aware of this, but Michael Moore thinks that Americans are stupid and lazy and wasteful. C’mon, Moore himself is rich … and I don’t mean richly deserving in the compliments you and your love generation shower him with either. We’re talking limousines, and Jacuzzis. How wasteful and ornate is all of that stuff, huh? And I’m not pointing fingers here, but how could someone as say, rotund as Moore not be a little lazy himself? The guy’s a pig. If you do go and see the movie, and I beg of you, do not! But if you do go see this movie, at least try counting the mustard stains on all his wrinkled t-shirts. The guy’s is an overstuffed liar! I mean, what did you think I would say at this moment? Look Steven, I know that all of your wide-eyed pals down at the PBS station are big-hearted dreamers and all. And that Michael Moore represents your one last shot to bring back the seventies, but wake up! We’re at war! Not just with Iraq, but with evil. The world has changed. There’s no time for socialized health care, or taxing the wealthy. Mom, Dad, I stand before you as a representative of all that is decent in this country, our beloved president--our beloved republican president--did not go to war with Iraq over oil. And he did not lie to serve his own agenda. That’s absurd. Saddam Hussein is an evil man. Even Nick and Mallory could tell you that much. Evil is everywhere! And George W. Bush can see it! He watched it try and strike down his father! He knows what needs to be done to this evil! This evil wants to come in here and take all of the things we love from us. But we’re not going to let it! Do you want to explain to Jennifer that she can’t get braces? Or try telling Andy that he doesn’t get to go to college! Do you want to tell Mallory that she can’t go shopping because our country is bowing down to a bunch of, of, of sand eating terrorists? When Ellen and I get back together and have children, I don’t want to bring them up in a country full off unpatriotic, overweight cowards! And I will waive the right to free speech to make sure that it never happens! You can’t go see this movie! I won’t allow it! Mom! Look, no! Stop touching me! No I’m not on speed again! Don’t you think cleaning all those garages saw fit to that? Stop hugging me! All I’m saying is ignore what Skippy said. Don’t go see this movie!
-Keaton
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