The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill
(2003)
Dir: Judy Irving

A Collaborative Review in the Form of a Conversation Between Film Critics, Josh Tyson and Tyrone Herzog

JT: You’d have to be a real cynical, grizzled piece of shit to not go bonkers over this documentary--
TH: Hhhmmpf.
JT: (pause) It’s about a bearded sage, named Mark Bittner, who lives in a little apartment in San Francisco. Bittner spends his days hanging out with a flock of wild parrots that congregate on his porch each morning to eat seed out of his hands. These parrots aren’t native to California; they are from South America.
TH: This much I accept. Bittner is a charming fellow, despite the fact that he’s a squatter
in need of a haircut and a shave. A true Dharma Bum, he does have a weird power over these birds.
JT: I’ve always had a soft spot for parrots.
TH: Why is that?
JT: Well, there was a pet store by my house when I was growing up, and they had an African Grey Parrot.
TH: Ah yes, the African Grey. I’ve heard that those birds are intellectually superior to most three-year-old humans.
JT: I’ve heard the same thing. This particular parrot was kept at the back of the store. He had a habit of saying strange cryptic things when you’d walk by his cage. As I recall, he’d quote The Price is Right.
TH: What, exactly, is cryptic about The Price is Right?
JT: It wasn’t what he said that was cryptic, it was how he said it. It was always in this very low, drawn-out voice, “Coooome on down. Coooome on down”
TH: Oooh, that is spooky.
JT: Well one day when I was paying for some hamster food at the front counter there was this enormous crash at the back of the store. Before the owner and I could even get back there, we heard this pleading, childlike voice calling out, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” We both thought a child was trapped under something back there, but it was just the bird. He’d tipped his own cage over and was calling out from inside it.
TH: I can’t believe you’d admit to owning a hamster.
JT: That’s not the point, jackass. The bird heard a phrase on television and applied it correctly to the situation.
TH: Astonishing (yawns) truly. Can we get back to the movie?
JT: Fine.
TH: Bittner’s bird pals are more than the hobby they first appear to be. As this movie progresses, we learn that they have shaped the course of his life. In them he has found a deeper understanding of everything around him—up to and including himself. Unlike most people who are too busy with their daily bullshit concerns, Bittner is happy to spend his waking hours observing these birds and learning from them. In fact, this movie is as much about his quest, as it is about these magnificent birds. He is able to from deep bonds with most of them, and discusses then with a reverence typically not even extended to family members. I will happily admit, this movie made me cry. It is powerful in the subtlest of ways and, in my mind, is pure magic.
JT: Why are you looking at me that way?