Tour of Booty
by The Bookhouse Boys

When we go on tour, we’re going to eat panties. We’re not talking those Hustler edible panties or anything, either, but real cotton panties. We’re going to be so horny that we will actually chew and eat panties off our backstage maidens! Our keyboardist, Neila, will be hot enough to eat undergarments, too, I’m sure. She might not be able to handle the tight knit of a boxer short, though, so get some briefs, gentlemen (ladies, anything but silk) and prepare to be rocked by The Bookhouse Boys!

When poor people that got their trailers and pick-up trucks blown away describe the sound of the tornado, they’re forever saying, “It sounded like a freight train.” However, when we come through the Midwest and South, and steal those same poor people’s dogs and high-top Reeboks and they hear our music they will begin to say that tornados sound like a The Bookhouse Boys song.

We are going to slay the shit out of America’s eardrums with the power of a rhinoceros on fucking Mini-Thins. We will take photos of ourselves with blood and cuts all over our faces to externalize the pain that we feel inside (it will be evident in our music, too). We’ll have cryptic nonsense to say about sacrifice and drugs and pussy, just to scare people and make them stoned and horny. We probably won’t shit on stage or put cum in our hair, but we’ll sing in German sometimes. Some of the lyrics in German might not even be very wild or violent. They might just be about an innocent picnic or a boy’s first time frenching, but you’ll assume the worst. You won’t have time to think about this while you’re listening, though, because you’ll be holding your head together in hopes that it won’t concuss.

We used to practice in a barn by Joe’s house (our drummer). France (our guitarist) was tuning up and a mouse shot right out of the amp and stuck in his fucking arm! He was just tuning the damn thing! He plays so loud that the force of a single note propelled a fucking mouse twenty feet through the air and thrust it into his flesh!

Our new album, “Kumpel ewig und versuch nicht zu weinen,” which roughly translates from the German to,“Come dark forest animalia and fuck my ears with your guitaric piece of sex,” will be self-released this winter.